Becoming a physician is certainly easier said than done. But most people I know in my field are willing to struggle and become real life zombies just to have those two letters tied to their names. They do, however, have various reasons why they want to pursue medical school. For some, it's their parents dream for them, or it's a family thing, and others just want the prestige of being called a doctor. There are a lot of other reasons out there, though.
Mine just came out of nowhere. Kidding haha! I actually do not remember how I started to want to be a physician. But it was way back in my childhood. I don't know where I got the idea because no one in my family was a doctor back then. Except that time when my cousin decided to be one. That is when I started to have a firm decision to be a doctor someday. Back when everything was fine, we would always go to their house and have a sleepover. Everytime the adults talk about his medschool, I am always in awe. I really think it was super cool. So, I headed in that direction ever since.
UST became my target school and I was lucky to get in the uni starting high school. After that, I took medical technology as my premed. It was funny how I actually got there. I didn't have a clue what a good premed would be. I really had no idea at all except for nursing which was booming that time. We get to have two choices. So, I chose nursing and mt. Fortunately, I didn't get into nursing. It's not that I'm bashing it or anything. I just thought that mt was something that was for me. I loved it even though I had a really tough time. Too bad, though, I didn't get to practice it aside from the 10-month internship in 4th year.
Along the way, I had gained more knowledge about going to and being in med school. And that made me think twice. They said that we are going to go through third year mt, which is the hardest part of the course, again. But this time it's tougher. Although fear has been masking my thoughts, I still tried to apply for the next school year. But I failed to get in. So, I took care of my boards and the ASCPi exam first. With His blessing, I passed them both. Now, with the trauma of failing the entrance last time, I TRIED to conquer my fear and pride and reapplied. My first two NMAT scores were really bad. Maybe that's why they didn't let me in. (But thank God for that, I get to focus on my boards. Now, i have two titles on my name which I don't know when I'm gonna be able to use.). But this time, I get to study and prepare for it. And I got something not bad. But it's something way too far from my first two. So, I think I was kind of satisfied with my score.
Everytime I think about the things I've been through in college, and then apply that to what I'm going to experience in med, only, twice as hard, the second thought of not carrying on is always there. But a thought, like a voice from my angel, crossed my mind. I was laying down trying to catch sleep while thinking about the future. I asked, what if I still don't get in this time? It'd be disappointing. But I also have this plan of working abroad. This working thing came to me when my friends started to have their own work and have their own money. There is plan B! Then I thought, would I still be happy if I ditch my dream and decide to be practical instead? Could money fulfill me as much as it could provide me with material things? Then I visualized myself: working in the ER, talking blood samples from patients, while observing the doctors do their jobs. The job that I once wanted but gave up on pursuing due to practical reasons. Suddenly, I felt a painful kick of regret. The one that I am sure I would be making for the rest of my life.
REGRET. The biggest mistake and the last thing that I want to do. I don't want to be the observer taking the blood samples and taking doctor's lab requests. I want to be the one who gives them out. I am just a screening away from finally working on my dream. The screening part (exams and all that) is already the start of working on it. Only, I have to wait if I could actually get in. But it is the START. So, if I quit now, I already failed to start fulfilling the dream.
Wouldn't that be a waste of time planning the future if I quit now? And, I think, I am closer to it more than I was yesterday. And failure is a part of the journey and NOT the reason for quitting. Life is not a race or a competition against other people. Life is a competition against ourselves. If we do fail, whether we decide to pick ourselves up and fight or just give up, it is ourselves who will face the consequence. Not other people.
YOU, if you want to be the one wearing the white gown with the stet around your neck and having MD beside your name, shut the negativity up and continue moving towards your goal.
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