The title might sound a little pessimisstic but we have to accept that it's the truth. Fairy tales made us believe in the concept of destiny and happy ending. And as an adult, I was gullible enough to believe them.
Once, I thought it was destiny. I didn't notice that I was holding onto the word for so long that I used it as an excuse for hoping for something to happen. To cut the long boring intro, I had a big crush on this guy back in gradeschool, 2002, in Bulacan. I thought i was inlove! It was a crazy intense feeling. He's all over my journal entries and obviously my mind that time. And I thought that someday I'd be able to meet him. But no. I never did. How could I? I was in 4th grade and he's a freshmen. Gradeschool passed and then highschool came. I went to USTHS, forgot about him and then before I knew it, highschool was over. Got into Medtech, 2009, and then the crazy destiny thing happend.
One school night, I had free time on my hands but I was not too tired to sleep. I rummaged through my school stuff hoping to find something to read. I found the Purple Gazette, a college magazine. I've passed through its pages for a few times before but never really get to read tiny details. It was close to midnight, everyone's asleep. A page caught my attention. It has pictures and names. A photography page. And to my surprise, his name popped like it was just placed there few secs ago. My heart was pounding so hard. I was so surprised I could literally scream. But i can't. Who knew that he'd be in the same school and same course. He was a senior that time, 2009. I didn't even think that that person might be a different one, just with the same name.
My belief in destiny has never gotten that strong before. It was what gave me hope. Then I thought, I've been walking within the walls of UST for 4 years without knowing he's in it too.
An old friend, a neighbor back in Bulacan, got in touch with me for some reason. And then a few chats later, when i was comfortable enough to ask him, I asked about Mark. He said that they were classmates back in highschool. Destiny bell rang again. I thought he'd be the answer. But no.
After few months (not sureif it's been months or a year but it was in 2010), a guy messaged me on fb. He was a schoolmate, but I never knew him. We became friends and when I knew he's from the same school (Trinitas school), I asked about Mark again. He said that he knows him(Mark)...because he is the bestfriend of Mark's sister. And he said it clear that he and Mark know each other personally. Destiny bell rang a lot louder!! And a lot crazier. Got my hopes so far up i really thought I would be able to finally meet him. But I can't be that selfish to hurt this nice guy's feelings. Cause he confessed that he likes me. I'm not the user friendly type so I forgot about meeting him through this guy.
By the time I got into second year he would already be out in the world. That's what I thought. So, I decided to forget about him and move on...again.
Second year, class picture taking (2nd half of 2010) by the Arch of the centuries. Everyone's pumped up. I was on the side with my friends, waiting for the photographer to give our places. Our adviser standing by the photographer, was approached by three Med guys. And he surprised me again!! He was one of them. Why didn't I think of that? That medtech might be his premed and not his real goal? And it's not a new thing. My friends then started to know about him. Ding ding ding, destiny told me.
Valentine's day of 2011. Just a glance of him that day, I'd be contented. We had a quiz for pharmacology the next day so I kinda used that as an excuse to study in the library...at the FMS building. Haha! But, got totally disappointed. I almost went home in pieces. Around 5pm, my friend and I decided to call it a day. I stayed at the AMV facade, waiting for my mom to pick me up (kinda embarassing haha). Looking at the ground, feeling really really sad that I didn't even get to see him. It was the least that I could have for that day but my prayer wasn't answered. And then when looked up, I saw him pass by...like 2 feet in front of me. I couldn't control my facial reaction. Shock, happiness...they were mixed up in there. I wasn't sure if his friend saw me, but he gave Mark a pat on the back after turning his head at my direction. I was sooooooooooo HAPPY!!! Happy might not even be enough to describe what i felt that time. He and his friends stood there for a few sec so I was able to enjoy a few seconds of Valentine's day. And i was praying, thank you Lord for this!! When my mom got there and stopped the car in front of them, I had to play it cool while getting in. That was by far, the MOST memorable Valentine's day I've ever had. No flowers and cheesy shits, but I was happy. Looking back, I still can't believe how that happened.
One break time, back in third year college, I had this kind of intuition thing. There were like 10 of us who decided to chill at Cerealicious dapitan. When I entered, I had this feeling, like literally out of nowhere, that I was going to see him there. Believe or not, it felt genuine...not to mention weird. Even I can't explain exactly what I felt that time. My friends and I were talking about funny things and he was nowhere in my head then all of a sudden that picture popped. Fifteen minutes later, 4 Med students entered. 2 guys, 2 girls. He was one of the guys. And I was like, "Sabi ko na e! Sabi ko na e!". I can't believe what just happened. It was really fun, though. We were playing the hot seat game so we took a video. And up to now I'm glad we did. haha!
2012 came, my internship year, 4th year. When we were asked to choose a hospital we'd like to work at, at first I chose PCMC. He was there as an intern. But I changed my mind. Cause I don't see the point anymore. I thought I slowly letting go of destiny shits. So, I wrote NCH and Heart Center instead. But destiny doesn't want to let go of me. I got assigned at PCMC. Now, I got to meet even more people who knew him. But no. None of them was the answer.
I graduated BS Medtech in 2013. I applied for medicine that year but I didn't get in. I was hoping to catch up for his last year
in med. But it wasn't for me. HE wasn't for me.
So that's how destiny played with me for years since 2002. But I've learned my lesson. This wasn't destiny. I thought that it was because I wanted to have a connection to him. A connection that would never exist so I had to make it up myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment